Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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