The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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