I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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