accomplished twins. life is a go
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
