woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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