Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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