sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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