So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
