just come out here and I will go home with you...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
