can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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