had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
