Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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