Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
