the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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