Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
