Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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