i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
