He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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