My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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