U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
