textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
