It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
