Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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