remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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