just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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