I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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