All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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