I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
