I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
