It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
