Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
