from now on my penis is your penis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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