After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
