Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
