I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
