he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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