I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
