my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
wow bdsm is so cute
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