My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
