You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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