Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
