Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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