pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
