I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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