btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
