you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
