just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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