Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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