Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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