yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
