You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
