Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
